Don't get me wrong ...

I was looking back over some of my posts, and I noticed my use of the term "Jesus shows." I have no doubt most anyone who reads this knows exactly what I'm talking about. I don't know why I have this sudden urge to qualify my statements, or even to be "apologetic," but let's get something straight: I'm not anal enough to be an atheist, and I'm not needy enough to be a born-again Christian. I'm more of a Zen Buddhist. Which means I pretty much accept everything. Course, that disqualifies me in the eyes of many, because what is the purpose of religion if it doesn't involve condemning others in order to make yourself feel better.

Here's an example: A couple of years ago I worked in downtown St. Paul, Minnesota. I had a contract at a local parking ramp, so I generally parked in the same place every day. At the time, I owned a fairly large SUV. One day, I returned to my vehicle after work to find a note under the window wiper. I wish I still had the note, because the original text would be much more effective, but it went something like this: "Two days in a row you've parked next to my car, and I've been barely able to get into my car. [something about parking too close to other cars, etc., etc.] I will pray for you so that you will be more considerate in the future." Is that the most passive-aggressive thing you've heard in your life? "I'm pissed off about some dumbass thing, but if I say that I'll pray about it, it makes me look just like Jesus. And that bastard with the big truck look like a sinner."

I wish I had written a reply note: "And I will pray that you mature in your relationship with your creator, so that you realize that a minor wrinkle in your day doesn't mean that the devil is working through Joe Blough, and that poor Joe will most likely go to hell ... unless you pray for him enough."

It wasn't necessarily that she didn't have a point. I had a pretty large vehicle, and I'm sure it may very well have caused some inconvenience for her. But it wasn't like I pulled up and said, "Hah! There's no way this lady is going to be able to enter her vehicle! If I do nothing else evil this day, at least I can rest knowing I caused something akin to pain!"

This is the problem with getting too religious and too pure. It disconnects you from being a human. "I'm going to heaven and you're not." This doesn't go much beyond a two-year-old mentality (see my "Assholes" post).

Oh, by the way: I no longer own that large SUV. My current vehicle is constructed from my own fingernail-clippings, and it runs on farts and gopher-snot.

Anyway, peace be with you.