Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Finally, an email I can use.
(Wow, how about that last post? I think someone needed a nap.)
I don't really know what to say about this yet -- it pretty much speaks for itself. It's an email I received recently.
I didn't make that up ... real email.
Ok, sorry. That last part came from my tortured mind.
I don't really know what to say about this yet -- it pretty much speaks for itself. It's an email I received recently.
----------
Subject: Have a sensation of living in cloud land! Current procedure
of losing flesh.
Our product is a foremost grease astringent supplement that withdraw
fat from the board you eat. Our product assistances you lose flesh
taking a totally another axiom than the vast majority of diet boluses
on the market. It will not make you perceive upset, our pills does not
hold any stimulants. Our product comprises just virgin ingredients and
is quite drug - free.
----------
I didn't make that up ... real email.
----------
Do you want lose flesh? Of course, we all do! Why life one minute
additional hiding true beauty -- blood, bone, mucsle, sinew, eternal
organ -- behind small membrane? Set your free today! Further boluses
to even farther dissolve body with acid unguent. Imagine! Lose digit,
limb, and even mind! Still eat board! All virgin! Order now!
----------
Ok, sorry. That last part came from my tortured mind.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
How to build a sandwich
I saw something strange today. Actually, I've seen it many times before, but only today did it occur to me that I might comment on it.
We have this sub sandwich shop called Quizno's here. I don't know if it's national, international, whatever, and it really doesn't matter. You might have seen what I'm talking about.
They have a sign hanging in the "ordering area" that's apparently a suggestion (or dictum, even) on how to order a sandwich:
1. Select bread.
2. Select size.
3. Select contents.
Or something like that. So I'm supposed to say, "Whole wheat. Regular. Italian Meatball." Sorry, but that's not how poeople order sandwiches. Try this: "I want a medium Italian meatball on whole wheat." Doesn't that sound more natural? I'm guessing they formulated the awkward sandwich-ordering formula to match the actual sandwich construction procedure taught to the employees. It's easier for them ... they don't have to listen to entire sentences, and all that high-brow crap.
"I'll have a medium Italian meatball on whole wheat, to go."
"Ok, and what kind of bread would you like that on?"
"Uh ... whole wheat. Italian meatball. Regular."
(At this point I was attempting to follow the procedure. Unfortunately, I effed up the last 2 steps.)
"And what size?"
And so on. You get the idea. I did finally escape from the place with my sandwich, though there was a bit of confusion at the cash register. A woman and her daughter had entered the shop, actually after I had placed my order. We ended up at the register at the same time, expectantly waiting for our sandwiches to emerge from the Quizno's Bat-Irradiator. My sandwich emerged. All nice and toasty and everything. The young gal wrapped it up and set it aside. I have my wallet out, and am getting ready to pay. I wait. The sandwiches that the woman and her daughter had ordered emerge. The gal starts wrapping them up. Me to myself: "Oh, I see what's going on here ... they think we're together." Sure enough, the sandwiches are ready to go and the gal starts listing all 3 sandwiches. "Um, I'm alone," I say. The woman next to me says, "Unless you want to pay for ours!" A hearty chortle was had by all. Initially I was getting kind of irritated, since I hadn't eaten for about 8 hours. Hunger can do that to you. If I wasn't so desperate to start eating the sandwich, I might have said, "I suppose you want me to follow you home and take your garbage out, too!" Oh well, shoulda-coulda-woulda.
I can't believe I made a whole post out of that. Wait till something actually interesting happens!
We have this sub sandwich shop called Quizno's here. I don't know if it's national, international, whatever, and it really doesn't matter. You might have seen what I'm talking about.
They have a sign hanging in the "ordering area" that's apparently a suggestion (or dictum, even) on how to order a sandwich:
1. Select bread.
2. Select size.
3. Select contents.
Or something like that. So I'm supposed to say, "Whole wheat. Regular. Italian Meatball." Sorry, but that's not how poeople order sandwiches. Try this: "I want a medium Italian meatball on whole wheat." Doesn't that sound more natural? I'm guessing they formulated the awkward sandwich-ordering formula to match the actual sandwich construction procedure taught to the employees. It's easier for them ... they don't have to listen to entire sentences, and all that high-brow crap.
"I'll have a medium Italian meatball on whole wheat, to go."
"Ok, and what kind of bread would you like that on?"
"Uh ... whole wheat. Italian meatball. Regular."
(At this point I was attempting to follow the procedure. Unfortunately, I effed up the last 2 steps.)
"And what size?"
And so on. You get the idea. I did finally escape from the place with my sandwich, though there was a bit of confusion at the cash register. A woman and her daughter had entered the shop, actually after I had placed my order. We ended up at the register at the same time, expectantly waiting for our sandwiches to emerge from the Quizno's Bat-Irradiator. My sandwich emerged. All nice and toasty and everything. The young gal wrapped it up and set it aside. I have my wallet out, and am getting ready to pay. I wait. The sandwiches that the woman and her daughter had ordered emerge. The gal starts wrapping them up. Me to myself: "Oh, I see what's going on here ... they think we're together." Sure enough, the sandwiches are ready to go and the gal starts listing all 3 sandwiches. "Um, I'm alone," I say. The woman next to me says, "Unless you want to pay for ours!" A hearty chortle was had by all. Initially I was getting kind of irritated, since I hadn't eaten for about 8 hours. Hunger can do that to you. If I wasn't so desperate to start eating the sandwich, I might have said, "I suppose you want me to follow you home and take your garbage out, too!" Oh well, shoulda-coulda-woulda.
I can't believe I made a whole post out of that. Wait till something actually interesting happens!
Friday, November 12, 2004
Goals for this year.
1. To develop a "posse" or aquire "peeps."
2. To give "shout outs" and/or "props" to 1.
3. To become a "pundit", "maven", or "aficionado" of something.
4. To place "the onus" upon someone.
5. To get "my jollies."
6. To have "my druthers." (may be closely related to 5.)
7. To storm off in a huff at least once per quarter.
8. To "keep it real" in spite of 7.
I envision the satisfaction of a few of these rolled up into one event. In my fantasy, the corporate-wide announcement goes something like this:
"Please join me in congratulating Mr. inBOIL on his promotion to Master of Space and Time. He has been a programmer with us since 2003. He will assume his new duties beginning December 1st. Please note that going forward, The Onus will be on Mr. inBOIL, though he may place The Onus upon others at his discretion. He will have His Druthers on a weekly basis, and, as a bonus, he will be getting His Jollies each pay period. As per company policy, his benefits now include 4 floating Haughty Days and a quarterly Storming off in a Huff."
2. To give "shout outs" and/or "props" to 1.
3. To become a "pundit", "maven", or "aficionado" of something.
4. To place "the onus" upon someone.
5. To get "my jollies."
6. To have "my druthers." (may be closely related to 5.)
7. To storm off in a huff at least once per quarter.
8. To "keep it real" in spite of 7.
I envision the satisfaction of a few of these rolled up into one event. In my fantasy, the corporate-wide announcement goes something like this:
"Please join me in congratulating Mr. inBOIL on his promotion to Master of Space and Time. He has been a programmer with us since 2003. He will assume his new duties beginning December 1st. Please note that going forward, The Onus will be on Mr. inBOIL, though he may place The Onus upon others at his discretion. He will have His Druthers on a weekly basis, and, as a bonus, he will be getting His Jollies each pay period. As per company policy, his benefits now include 4 floating Haughty Days and a quarterly Storming off in a Huff."
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